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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Eye was Blacked Out


            I just got my first black eye. How magnificent! In the dull, healthy eye world, conversations begin with some boring observation about the weather. You escape all this with a shiner on your face! Sure, many people will try to be polite and ignore it, but before long their eyes will naturally lock on. That's when I recount my heroic tale to them, starting with that most elegant of introductions: "so one night I was really drunk..." I then go into detail as I describe my plight.

            It started out like most great stories, with a girl. When I overheard Kristen telling a friend that she wanted to learn how to punch, I jumped into the discussion. Since she is an upper-middle class white girl from the suburbs, I naturally assumed that it was vital for her to learn to hit. Now, my wrestling and judo experience have virtually nothing to do with punching, but I did watch Dragon Ball Z as a child, so I'm somewhat of an expert. I quickly taught Kristen how to make a fist and throw her arm, and showed her the most disabling contact points: nose, cheek bones, gut, instep and groin. Yet, what good is learning about something if you can't do it? So I had her practice throwing some punches. I blocked them with my left hand while holding a beer with my right hand. After a couple of minutes it was clear she had gotten the hang of it, so I left to request a song from the DJ.  Danger! Danger! High voltage! When we touch… WHAM!! To make a long story short, I got punched by a girl. At least she went for the cheek bone and not the groin.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blue pins

A single poster
Lined the walls of her bare white room
A strong but lonely reminder
To leave this small town soon

More than just a poster
A map of all the world
The pins best tell her story
All over the map they curled

A red pin where she had been
Standing quite alone
Blue pins where she dreamt of
And in her dreams had flown

What a dull world she lives in
No hope to change it's hue
The loveliest of creatures
Yet her world is still quite blue

Books hold her education
Better than my degree
She knows much more than i do
But her dream jobs don't agree

She walked into the woods
Down a trail she knew too well
Smoked her piece to make-believe
She was far away from hell

That is where I met her
Never to forget
That presence that surrounds her
Of sadness and regret

Her eyes were too revealing
Though her satin dress was full
An honesty behind them
The dredged depths of her soul

I took my silver spoon
And offered it with glee
But she much more deserving
Just threw it back at me

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Four Brothers


Once upon a time, there was a mysterious king who ruled his kingdom from a hidden palace. The location of the palace was such a secret that even the king’s subjects knew not how to find it. Their only hint was the direction from which the king’s messengers came to bring them news.
 One day, the king sent word that he would grant his crown, treasure and daughter, the most beautiful princess in all the land, to any man wise enough to reach his palace. Word traveled quickly and four talented brothers, named Ethan, Mat, Dane and Steve, confident in their own skills, decided to accept the mysterious king’s challenge. The brothers crafted a raft and drifted south down a long river, near the end of which they believed they would find the king’s kingdom.
After several weeks of travel, the brothers had floated far but run out of supplies; so when they came across a river town, they docked and went to purchase goods from the townspeople. With a pocket full of gold, Ethan went in search of weapons; Mat went in search of wine;  Dane went in search of food; and meanwhile Steve stayed with their raft. It was not long before Steve, the youngest, began bragging of his adventure to a boy fishing off the dock. Laughing, the boy asked how the four brothers expected to share the crown, treasures and beautiful princess. When Ethan, Mat and Dane returned from their errands, they found that Steve had taken their raft down the river without them. As luck would have it, a hunchbacked old hag in a large, tattered traveling cloak noticed the three brothers’ dismay and approached them, asking the source of their misery. After learning of their younger brother’s betrayal, the old hag cackled, explaining that the king’s messengers always came from a path just west of that very town. She offered to be their guide and help the three remaining brothers on the next stage of their journey. After sharing some of their newly purchased food and wine with the strange woman, the brothers wrapped up as much as they could carry, filled their canteens and followed her along an overgrown path through the woods.
 After 3 days of hard travel, fighting off wild animals, brutal terrain and frozen nights, the travelers reached a clearing in the trees and delighted at the sight of a glimmering palace in the distance. Their delight soon faded when they noticed that the path split ahead into two trails of treacherous terrain; one off to the left and one off to the right. At the entrance of each path stood a huge stone statue; to the left, a statue of a great wolf and to the right a statue of a lone sheep. The brother’s guide knew not the correct path, but read to them an old sign, written in an unfamiliar language.
Choose your companion well or death lies ahead. Man’s most important companion no hunter can kill. It can bring a starving man feast, a naked man warmth and a dying man peace.
Without hesitation, Ethan declared the sign pointless, as the castle was straight ahead and he would cut through the brush instead of wasting time with the foolish riddle. After a day’s travel off the trail, Ethan stumbled into a bog, never to resurface.
Mat pondered the riddle longer than his bold brother Ethan and decided that the correct path to be the left, as surely the great wolf was an impossible hunt, but if befriended a powerful companion. After several days of hard travel and drinking the last of his water, Mat reached the glimmering palace only to find it an illusion carved into the side of a mountain. Mat died of thirst, wondering why such a trick had been made.
Dane was the last to decide on his path, and as he considered the sheep’s path to the right, he noticed that the old hag had picked herself up and begun the long, dangerous journey back down the brutal trail from which they had come. He quickly caught up with her, deciding to help her return safely to the town. When the hunchbacked hag asked why he did not continue his journey to the king’s hidden palace, Dane explained that if he was willing to let such a good lady risk the deadly trail alone, he deserved neither a crown nor a beautiful wife. Suddenly, the old hag pulled herself up to full height and removed her tattered traveling cloak, revealing herself to be the beautiful princess. Together they walked back into the river town, the new king and queen. For compassion is man’s most important companion.